Okay, so Im writing because I want some support. I don’t really get enough at the moment. I plan to open up to someone more and arrange another therapy session soon. Nonetheless I still would like extra support. I hope PC can help.

The problem is complicated. It’s mostly about not having adequate believe systems and attitudes more in tune with reality; ideally holding on to some of who I am and who I’d like to be in the ‘’solution’’. The context I believe is due to my upbringing; most of my life up (Im 21 now) until the last 3 years (with on and off moments) has involved screens (tv and laptop). I spent a lot of my time playing mostly fantasy type video games and watching fantasy type tv. I also spent most of my time on my own (psychologically, and even physically). Therefore I sort of lived in my own little world with my own opinions and beliefs (it was only up to 18yrs old that I couldn’t hack it anymore- therapy started maybe a year before that). Therapy challenged my beliefs and views, as well as dealing with another significant issue (my homosexual orientation).

Now I feel quite lost. I know my old beliefs aren’t healthy and right but I don’t have any other motivators; no road map as it were. I want to enjoy myself before I go on to start my career (which people are kind of nagging me about). I feel like I’ve faced one big challenge, the above and 16 years of education, and before I spend the next many years working 9-5 I want a bit of a break. I’m tired, not really physically (though it feels like it), but mentally. I’m tired of everything; I need some time to re-organise my psyche before I can start being fully productive. People’s comments about not doing stuff like proper work isn’t helping. I’ve lost that zest of life and energy; that gets you busy every day most days of the week and feeling productive (another point comes to mind....).

At the moment I’m recovering from a wrist injury and once that’s over I’d like to continue to do some voluntary work doing some data based work two to three times a week. Following my sisters advice I think I’ll spend some time (one day a week) practicing my cooking skills and another day a week pursuing an interest in nutrition. Also do some singing at my local church. I’m not sure I can handle getting a proper job with the time demands and the recruitment and selection process.

Another point to mention, I think I may be going (or have gone) off at a tangent, is that I get days when I spend the whole day, maybe two days consecutively, just on my laptop watching tv. At uni I did this a lot!! Not good, but once I watch one hour Im practically hooked for the rest of the day. I don’t have much will power at the moment to force myself off. A part of me doesn’t care, about much. Like I said I feel like I’ve had enough for a while. I had a thought last night; that this may be because I haven’t dealt with my adverse feelings towards all this difficulty, loss; and maybe a good cry or two would help. Give me closure to move on???

I hope I’ve made some sense. Please ask any questions to help clarify. Thank you to all who decide to post responses and thanks anyway for reading if you don’t. I appreciate all support. Guess I’ll post more later on, my feelings and stuff; thoughts. Please be gentle Thanks again,

Peter