Hazeleyes, Welcome!!!!
What a brave post and what a brave you! I agree with what's been said here...therapy in and of itself is a brave task!
It took me a long time to be able to delve in. I not only had to trust my therapist completely, I had to trust myself! You'll get there. I know this because you continue to go back and try.

YOU ARE WORTH IT.
I'm glad you've come. I hope to read more from you
Again, welcome!
KD