((suzzie)) - I'm so sorry such a despicable crime happened to you and you're brave for posting this. I understand this is very hard for you to talk about and I sense you're having trouble with claiming this was wrong in a strong voice - that's understandable.

I'll quote where I see this happening:
Your father doesn't deserve 'only's' here. Whether anally or the alternatives - this is rape and only once doesn't negate the sin on him. You say "you let him" - you dear person didn't have the choice - that was stolen from you. I truly can't imagine the pain and confusion that goes through a young child's mind - when a parent who's supposed to protect, instead abuses in the worst way. I'm sorry for sounding mad but child abuse, especially pedophiles make my blood boil.

Don't be ashamed and say it for what it really is - this was a brutal, shameful act forced upon you. He doesn't deserve 'only's, or just's or self blame. You're entitled to use your strong voice and claim what's yours.