First, Kebbs, It makes me want to run over and hugggggg you right away, which probably makes you want to throw your coffee in my face and run screaming for your life
And second, I don't think that last discussion was off topic at all. Hon, It showed that you are able to first, recognize that you aren't responsible for when other people can't manage to be honest in a relationship. it doesn't sound like you stage managed that one at all; you responded to appropriate cues that you were getting from them (like being told you were a crappy friend just to have her come back and make up all the time? WHat's with that?)and interpretted them correctly. That s not paranoia. Paranoia is taking your own internal únacceptable feelings and assigning them to otherpeople, with yourself as the target. Usually. So you see cues that aren't there and respond inapropriately to those that are.
so, on one level, your self esteem is actualy pretty good in that you know you can do this. On one level depression is telling you you can't, but on another, you don't really buy it hook line and sinker yet. This is good.
Remember, when you see a picture, you are also seeing all you associate with that picture, all the emotional cues as well. If you are depressed, and depression is telling you that you are pretty disgusting, then that is likely to be what you feel when you see yourself, whether that is what I would see when i see your picture or not. Frankly, I kind of doubt that I would be disgusted by it at all. HUGGGGGGGGGGSSSS!