You all are so nice to me!!! I can't really talk up to my father. That's exactly what my neighbor told me to do.....but, it's not as easy as anyone thinks. He throughs everything into my face. My mistakes and what he's done for me. He cries out of anger. Ya know, I can understand about the candle buisness.....but music? I don't really have a room of my own here. The room I had, I had to cut off the heat. Too expencive on heating it up. My room is in the livingroom. I'm used to it, it's ok. In fact, I feel more comfortable to be around the main house. At least I'm around human contact.

My father, this afternoon asked me if I wanted to go out for lunch. This was right after I posted. I'm not sure, but I think he felt guilty......or......and I hate to think this, he knows that I'll not continue to do for him if he doesn't show some kind of lure. That's a horrible thing to think, I would love to believe it's because he wants to be with me...he always states how much he loves me. I do love him, I just wish he wasn't so harsh. This is where my trust in people falls in place or should I say my lack of trust comes into play. I'm always thinking that that's why people want anything to do with me. That's what happen in that horrible relationship I was in. Could it be, that in a way my dad is doing the same? God please forgive me if I'm wrong, I want to love my father....I'd miss him something terrible. I just wish he wasn't so controling.

All of you are like family, I need this place....honest to god I need this place. I'm better at writing then talking, no counselor could help me, only here on this site because it's the best way I can express myself.......Lonesomedove