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Nov 09, 2010, 12:24 AM
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Member Since: Aug 2010
Location: Chicago
Posts: 70
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Hi Lynn09,
I am SO sorry for not responding sooner. It has taken me a while to think through this difficult topic...WHOA moment. You hit it on the nose with your response. And WOW....you have overcome a lot too. I know it was DIFFICULT, but you didn't let anything stop you.
I agree I have -fall(en) into the trap of chasing that "high," as well as the trap of believing that you can get that same feeling from applying 100% of yourself to other goals. - But it took me so long (about 12 years) to realize that chasing this "high" is what makes me happy...it makes me feel that I have beaten the accident all over again. And I feel I can't let go of it because the person I was after my accident for those 12 years is NOT the person I ever want to be.
But, I know I can't workout all the time and I know have limitations, but as I say this I disagree with it. When I get in the moment of completing a task, rationalization goes out the window. I can and will do whatever task is in front of me....like I went wakeboarding at the beginning of October, which I thought I could do easily. Well, I sprained my ankle, plus hurt other parts of my body, and I was basically unable to move for a few days following. I have this desire, and maybe death wish, to achieve the biggest and baddest obstacle. Maybe I like this because I am in control, as when my accident happened, I was completely taken out of the control seat. And many years after my accident, I was not in the control seat either...doctors, my parents, etc. were. Now I embrace that control.
But although I have found"success" in one aspect of your life - overcoming the physical limitations imposed on you as a result of injury you incurred in an auto accident. - I can't sustain this success without literally running myself into the ground. But it is SO hard to let go and find something else to live for! Two sides are playing the game (the good and bad of Katie) but who will win.
I agree with this statement - The reality is, however, that we can never really commit 100% of ourselves to any one thing - life simply isn't structured that way. And even other things that we do commit a large percentage of our attention, time, and energy to daily do not always provide us with that same intensity of feelings that are produced now by your physical activity. Remember, it isn't just overcoming your physical limitations that produce those feelings - that physical activity also causes your brain and body to manufacture and release into your system a number of chemicals - "feel good" hormones and neurotransmitters - endorphins, dopamine, norepinephrine, serotonin, etc. Doing anything we find interesting or pleasurable causes the same physical responses in the brain and body, but the levels may not be as elevated as would occur with strenuous physical activity. - but I think I commit so much of myself to this feeling because I am angry and I want fight back. If I got angry at others, there would be problems, but if I get mad and take it out on me by participating in "X" than it is safer.
Nicely put and I ABSOLUTELY agree with this too - The real issue I think is your reason for questioning your decision to become a Personal Trainer. If you are having difficulty finding employment in your chosen Master's field and you think you would enjoy working as a Personal Trainer, what's the harm? Even if you find later on that it isn't providing what you need to derive from it, it still is not wasted knowledge, time, experience, etc. You may end up having many different careers in your life as your interests and needs change over time, but you will take with you everything you have learned from your previous experiences and apply them to your new experiences - and to other aspects of your personal life, as well. Life is a continual series of decision-making, and you can't always know exactly how something is going to work out for you until you actually do that thing and find out - then, if necessary, you make another decision to change direction perhaps and you find out where that pathway leads you. - I guess I started to question my pursuit in Personal Trainer Certification because I know that I would not be able to concentrate on improving my physical ability as much as I am now. A selfish reason, but one that scares me to let go because I don't want the improvements I see when I workout, etc. to stop....I mean how long will it last.
I think it's interesting that you used the term "incomplete" in describing your present feelings about yourself. Truth is that we are ALL "incomplete." No one starts out life being 100% complete. It takes time and various experiences and making decision after decision to gradually define ourselves and our lives - a trial-and-error process that helps us become bit by bit who we want to be regardless of what we are doing at any given moment to earn a living. What difference does it make at this point why you are considering pursuing becoming a Personal Trainer since you have no idea of how that experience is going to impact multiple facets of your life until you actually do it? - I used the term "incomplete" because I thought I knew what I wanted to do with my life. I thought it would come easy. But since it hasn't, I don't like what my life has come to because I feel I am wasting time. I know that I am still young, but the way my body feels doesn't always make me feel young. So I feel that if I am going to LOVE life it needs to be now because I don't want to feel pain everyday when I am 30 and can't take out my anger on me doing an activity.
Really like your last paragraph - Perhaps it would help to think of it this way - see the tremendous sense of satisfaction and accomplishment that you now derive from overcoming your physical impairment as simply a glimpse of what is possible - but understand that realistically there will always be some limitations to what we can achieve due to the basic laws of physics, etc. Also, be realistic about that "high" you say you don't want to let go of - more than likely there is nothing that anyone can do to sustain that level of "high" consistently and indefinitely, so don't allow yourself to become a slave to chasing it. Balance is the key for long-term consistent and sustainable growth whether physical, psychological, or spiritual - and be careful of what standard you establish for measuring your worthiness and happiness against - if it's set too rigid and high to be attainable, then you will miss out on experiencing the satisfaction of anything you accomplish that doesn't quite reach the "ultimate" mark. - It is just a different approach to something that I have been dealing with for so long. I just have to get out of my comfort zone, which scares me.
Thank you! I appreciate all of your knowledge!  Cherrios
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