My mother used to pull similar stuff so I set up boundaries.. not boundaries for her, ones for me -to protect myself. The first thing I did was only talk to her by phone and anytime she started getting nasty I'd say: "Mom I'm not going to let you talk to me like that" and when she continued I'd hang up and not take her calls for the rest of the day. As far as your daughter goes I'd tell your mother that until she can behave in a manner that respects both you and your husband she cannot be around your daughter because you don't want her to see that kind of bad behavior modeled. I did this with my ex-bf's parents about his daughter and they quit talking smack really quickly when they realized it meant forfeiting their time with their granddaughter. Good luck! I'm sorry you're having to go through this.