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Originally Posted by Abby
She thinks all this pain is getting worse because I'm getting better. She's probably right though I can't quite see it myself!
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Yes, I agree. You are looking at your pain now which is necessary to get better. Previously, you were probably avoiding it/denying it. This is a normal route for therapy.
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Originally Posted by Abby
at least she gets that I can be totally contradictory within the same sentence and both bits hold true...somehow!
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Very good work, this is normal too.
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Originally Posted by Abby
The hard part is that it hurts to tell someone in person how much pain I feel inside and how empty and nothing I feel too....because I still have to deal with it, it is always never-ending. Oh well.
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I can understand this. It is hard. But don't you think that you move forward anyway when you do this, even if it is just a little bit?
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Originally Posted by Abby
I haven't bothered to talk about the wierd thoughts in my head of all this being 2 dimensional or wondering if it exists at all....mainly because it is just plain stupid and likely irrelevant.
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I beg to differ. It isn't stupid or irrelevant. It is your experience and in order to get better you need to start where you are at, not where you wish that you were.
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Originally Posted by Abby
But what I don't get is that she still seems surprised when I explicitly tell her about a cutting episode. Maybe I appear a lot more competant than I am when i'm trying to explain situations? Or maybe I'm just misinterpreting her reaction as surprise when it may be more a question....e.g. 'so you cut this week then?' <-- this remark really surprises me! ...from everything we've spoken about I honestly take it as a given that she knows that to cope in stressful situation I have to cut! But she doesn't seem to get that.
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I remember when I thought that a person should know me before I even spoke enough to let the person get to know me. I'll bet that you just haven't told her enough so that she really understands you?
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Originally Posted by Abby
Thank you for asking, reading and supporting.
I know I talk a pile of nonsense most of the time and all I ever seem to do is whine, it bores me too if i'm honest!
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You are welcome Abby!
Abby, I understand that you devalue yourself and your experience but I absolutely do not. Abby, you are important to me, this is why I look out for your posts and always answer them. I see a lot of value in you and I'm looking forward to the day when you can also see the same value that I see.
