Hi, and welcome. I really like the name, Hazeleyes.

I always felt like a hopeless case. I knew it was only a matter of time before my T threw me out for not working hard enough and not changing fast enough. I also felt like I knew what I had to do, but I just wasn't doing it. I figured that would tick him off and he'd kick me out for that reason, or at the very least, chew me out for it. When I finally had the nerve to say some of this to him, he just kind of looked at me quizically. He asked how that would help, for him to be one more person sitting on my shoulders in judgment? He said, "you've had enough people judge you already, and I'm including you, yourself. I won't add to that."

I guess part of the reason we're there, is that we need some help. If we could do all this ourselves we wouldn't need a T. So don't kick yourself for not getting stuff done. Trust in yourself and therapy, when it feels right and you're comfortable with it, you'll do what you need to.

You mentioned that eventually you would like to help others. I think quite a few of us here have that same aim. One of the things that keeps me focused on trying to change and not giving up on T, is that I too, would like to help people someday. I figure I have to be as healthy as I can be emotionally to be able to do that, so I stay in T, and push myself to face the stuff I don't want to, and to do all that other uncomfortable but important work we have to do.

Don't be to hard on yourself. TC, Quay