Have any of your t's told you that you are attracted to people who tend to victimize you? My t told me this last week. I sort of knew it already, but hearing her say it made me mad. For one thing, she is talking about those people in my life that i have loved the most and/or relationships that felt special to wounded child parts of me. Also, these relationships, though they may have had some unhealthy elements, were not all bad. My t said that she wasn't calling these people "perpetrators," but she still compared my relationship with them to my relationship with the man who SA me as a child. So what does that say?

I've thought about it alot, and i can see why she said that. Still, i think it was a very gutsy thing for her to say, knowing how i feel about these people. It's true that they did hurt me, and they do have conrolling tendencies, but i don't see them as having bad intent and i still believe they really love(d) me. They've treated me really good overall, despite the pain they've brought me too.

I was telling my t about this one older friend, how she really cared about me and we had alot of good times, but how she sometimes treated me a bit like a child. My t asked for an example, so i told her how she smacked my hand at a restaurant one time because i double dipped. Now, it only happened the one time. But my t said it was inappropriate and then said something like "You like people who make you feel safe and treat you like a child?" I dunno. It just makes me mad.

I'm not asking my t to have rose-colored glasses, and i want her to tell me the truth. But i don't like being told i have a victim mentality and am basically addicted to unhealthy people who are damaging. Two of these people i had problems with, and they are now inviting me back into their lives, and my t and my h don't want me to. My h even says, "If you take C. back, you may as well vomit and then eat it, because that's what you're doing." He claims that they never really loved me, that i just want to think so.

I feel bad because i don't have hardly anyone in my life who cares about and loves me, aside from my h and in-laws. I have no close friends. But these two people want to be my friend. I feel like i'm being cautioned to avoid them, when they seem to be the only ones who ever really cared about me very much. I'm invisible to most everybody else.

I think i'm just messed up.