It's a vicious circle. Meds make me fat, Fat makes me embarrassed, so I isolate. Isolation makes me bored, so I eat too much, which makes me fatter. I have no energy to exercise between getting fat and feeling depressed and sedated, and I am ambarrassed to go to the gym. These all lead to self loathing and I end up in an episode, wanting to SI and then I end up in the hospital.