Ive been around all over on PC & elsewhere reading and considering and responding and doing... I am sorry for
not getting back to completing some of my scrambled thoughts earlier...i just cant help but feel really guilty and ashamed when i see others struggle with so much more and seem to be/do so much better. Like Oprah and Tyler Perry and the 200 member audience lastweek & their CSA experience and the brave cast in "FOR COLOURED GIRLS" (yes i am torturing myself in watching a lot of the press coverage 4 this movie...but cannot ACTUALLY watch the movie). And on and on and on...I do not know how to appreciate blessings or strengths im triggered and wanna curl up in a ball = dont know wheather the next step could be to write a letter, talk more in T, confront the triggers face on with the pain and memories, run away and work hard on something else (to proove "the haters" wrong), or...what.... I thought i was used to all of this, and ok with the painful idea that i was a bad girl that deserved all that happened, and that nothing really changes. I am bad. Why does this all bother me now (God, why??) Why do i seem stuck in all of this as opposed to just moving forward and doing/being better. I am just ridiculous. I dont make any sence. I am so dumb. 'Nite...