My computer's goofy today so i dont know if this will work...But its on my mind and wouldnt mind some outside feedback...

*inhales & exhales*

When i was younger i used to lie in response when my elementary teacher asked each student "how was your weekend?" I always told her i went to my cousins house for a birthday party - i got to eat cake with yummy icing and play with toys (like barbies! ) Because, in reality, weekends were the worst with fighting, arguing, yelling, getting hit, and crying and on and on ...

Im not a little girl now, but i still lie. I cancel appointments and lie that i am in school and cant make it. I dont go to class and lie to profs that i am at an appointment and cant make it. I call & cancel my shifts at work and lie telling them that due to school and/or appointments i cant make it. I get asked now "how are you?" to catch up or whatever, and can only safely say "ok."

Outside of being really really really afraid to approach reality at all - it really does not make sence that i lie alot...This does not lead to improving or doing/being better than the bad mess i am now. Yet beyond the guilt after the lie - it is also safer this way?? i am so f***** up......