heya....welcome

well... i dont really see hatred either, but i'll take you at your word for that... and i'll tell you that all hatred is born of fear and not the other way around. Whatever causes hatred will be traced back to a fear somehow

from what you describe my first thought is that it may be an elaborate way to create self fulfilling prophecies.... push people away to prove they wont stay, or to cause them to dislike you to prove you are rotten, or some other variation... see what i mean?

you seem to have no trouble attracting people but have come to the conclusion it's because you fake it... maybe... maybe not. What if the real you is more of what you project when attracting people than you believe? what if the real you isn't so heartless and cold or whatever other terrible thing?

i dont think most of what you describe really needs meds at all long term... but a psychologist? YES... yes... run, don't walk... get an actual psychologist though (here they can be PhD or MSc... just dont get LSW or whatever)

you need to understand the unconscious or semiconscious thought patterns and the connections that underlie what you are doing/thinking... figure that out and you may be surprised

peace