Funny, when I read this I found myself picturing my mother. Who used to throw her children out, like garbage, and then would permit them to come back in her own good time. After months or years (or even many years) of estrangement she would allow them back, she would hug them and cry, and say how much she had missed them; and she was perfectly sincere all the while (during the throwings out, and during the reconciliations); she really meant all of it. But it was just a matter of time till she repeated the cycle.

It was just a lethal relationship pattern on her end, and it became one on the children's receiving end. Peaches when it's your Mom, there's not darned much you can do to avoid it; but why go looking for it.

you also said this >> I don't understand why this is such a struggle for me to let them go.
I think you have said something SO telling here. Can you spend some time thinking about this? Because until you do understand, and until it is no longer a struggle to let them go, you are still running the risk of re-injury.