I'm sorry if the word 'rape' upset you. Child abuse and sexual abuse really puts the 'fire' in me because I was almost assaulted by my brother inlaw. When I read your post, I felt like it was trying to minimize what happened and in a way - it sounded like you were blaming yourself in some way.

I realize this is because of the abuse and how confusing this must have been for you. I don't like to see you blaming yourself in anyway - it's okay you 'just' stood there - you were scared and confused...this doesn't mean you were allowing it. If it happened once this doesn't make it less of an offense. You still seem to be grappling with these issues, so perhaps I shouldn't be so honest and straight forward. I don't want you to minimize what happened or blame yourself.