...i dunno Im not functional when im down like this...but its familiarand feels safer. Curling up in a ball under warm blankets, to shut out all the noise - feels nice. Being numb and soothing myself with warm sweet food to get sleepy, after being sore & shocked from exposure (either externally outside or self-inflicted internally) - feels nice. Its dysfunctional in itself, but its a habit? Or all i know? Or im too afraid/angry/ashamed to do, be, or consider anything different? *smaller voice* a lot of people have told me im not a bad girl. I dont know why i dont take in what they say as well as strategies and support from T - in all forms - to be/do/try better. I shouldnt still be this way... Why am i still waiting for someone to get mad at me and beat me to get better? Why hasnt the encouragement/praise/critisism/support/feedback/teaching work? I am just so useless... Why am i so wrong all the time ?!?! This is frustrating!?!?