lynn, i think trust is something that is built over time as you get to know someone. say you meet someone at a party and they seem fun and interesting. then you go on a date with them and you see they are rather rude to the waitress. right there, you have gotten to know something more about them and can see some red flags going up. now, if this is one of their only major flaws maybe they are okay but it could be a harbinger of further problems. only more time and getting to know the person will tell and you have to decide if this is something you can tolerate. i don't think trust is an all-or-nothing endeavor until you really, really know someone which takes much time. and yes, even then it is a risk. but life is full of risks. chances are when we get in our cars we most likely won't get into an accident. but it does happen. now, sometimes they are just fender benders and other times they are very serious. but odds are it is still worth it to get in our cars and get out on road. otherwise we miss out on too much of life.

with people i think it's all a process of observing how the person is with you and others as you get to know them bit by bit. does the person talk smack about their other friends with you? well, they are probably doing that about you when with them. do they tell you things that are most likely not things the other person would want publicly known, then they'll probably tell your private confidences too. if you reveal some small personal thing and they react badly or judge you for it then common sense tells you they are not someone to share your personal info with. it's ok to have different types of friends too. some people are great for the personal sharing and keeping confidences and others tend to be more just fun fun fun. maybe you won't leave your kids with them for the weekend because you're not sure how responsible they are but you can still enjoy them for their strengths. they may have a great sense of humor, be a very gracious host and throw the best parties in town and introduce you to other very nice people.

trusting your gut is really important too. if you get a weird vibe or a bad feeling about someone then honor it. i'm big on trusting my gut about people and it has never led me astray. if you do get a bad feeling about someone that doesn't mean they are a bad person though--they may just be bad for you to be friends with. we have to resist the temptation to judge others. we are all human and flawed.