I am stuck in a huge rut at the moment.

Nothing seems to be working.

My partner is getting a massive pay cut, i have to have surgery next week, we have 3 weeks to move out of our house.
I have been trying so hard to avoid alcohol - have been sober for 4 days.

But the cutting isnt stopping or slowing down.
its getting worse.

I just wish i wasnt here anymore.

Making it worse...

Someone very close to me tried to commit suicide the other day.
I really want to help, and he wants me to be there for him, but his family wont let me talk to him because they think i am a bad influence.
His family all live in a different country to him but he cant leave because of fines. Im all he has.

what makes it even worse is that i completely agree with his family.

i dont want to be around him for HIS sake.

What have i got to live for?

I know there are some things to live for....but right now i cant think of any