Depression can't be gendered. To make it a "Him or Her" is to personalise it in a way that makes a patriarch or matriarch responsible for it.

In some cases depression is caused by a situation that we have the power to extricate ourselves from, or refuse to extricate ourselves from. In other cases it is a brain dysfunction we try desperately to have some control over.

What I am trying to do at the moment is put my arm around its shoulder and ask it why it wishes to hurt me so badly. To listen to it, to learn to understand it so that I can walk myself through the next dark forest, or swim through shark infested waters (col).

We can know how it works but that never prepares us for the next assault, for the next explosion, for the next black hole it blasts us into or the next cliff it pushes us over. Depression really is a war we're in so don't expect it to play by any rules. One thing I read recently hit home hard. You can't have rules in war because one side will not honour them.

That is why there must be a loser and a victor; you can't win if you are busy observing rules. So I go underground, wait quietly vowing not to observe any rules in my fight with depression. With each bout I come out with new understanding no matter how small.

You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar, by reaching for at least a base of inner peace you know your strongest point. I have found mine to be journaling and if I write as if I am speaking to a friend, or to the depression its self it opens up a dialogue for mutual understanding which brings a more rapid conclusion to the bout.

All we can all do is our best, and acknowledge the effort with self recognition and respect, that brings a smile to our face and helps us to find the crack in the wall of the depression (speaking from a personal point of view of multiple personalities here, not speaking for others outside myself).