Quote:
Originally Posted by noirkitten
ok i dont know,now im in between. he just called me last night and he sounded very upset(his parnets are going thru a divorce) and he really wanted know if i still loved him. if he wasnt so nasrastic at times and even if he just listined to my problems once in a while then i whould defently stay with him. that,s one of the problems with also, when ever i have a bad day or whenever im feeling depressed he doesnt seem to be that intrested he,s just like "oh.. . so yeah, that upsets me a little. but on the brighter side of things, he can really make me laugh sometimes(he has a starnge sense of humor) and i feel like sometimes where kind of like BPJ. we just fit together. and i kind of don;t want to skyp with him yet, because well this going to sound very stupid, but im really not comferteble at all with my looks(that,s why i never put my photos up online).
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Oh man, you know, this really reminds me of my ex Jesse.. Like so much I get that deja vu feeling. Jesse used to always need to be reminded that I loved him, he would push me to say it even if I didn't want to because I didn't know how I felt and was uncomfortable saying it. If he was upset, that was what I needed to tell him, was that I loved him. When I was upset, he wouldn't help me either. He would more like verbally bash my Dad because my Dad is a little neglectant to put me into professional help, and I hated it when he did that cause I love my Dad very much. Either that or he would be like "That sucks...."
What really makes this seem similar to me, was the PBJ thing. The first letter of my name is P, and his was J and we used to joke that we really WERE like Peanut Butter and Jelly and his humor was close to mine and I thought because of these small things it was worth to stick around.. Dispite my uncomfortableness, and dispite how trapped I felt, dispite how he irritated me, and never really listened to what I had to say. He made me feel safe, and I thought being the way he was he would stay around (he planned on forever) and I could feel as safe for as long as I wanted.
The problem with online is that one can do anything and you cannot get caught. I found out Jesse had been cheating for almost 2 months the first week of October, with my old best friend, for the second time. But even so, even though he aparently loved her so much more than me, and he was happier with her, and such and so forth, for 2 months (even though I had left him momentarily a lot through those 2 months because I sensed it) he kept me on a leash and ALWAYS forced me back to stay with him.. even though he had her. The day after we broke up, he came back and told me he didn't want me to be with anyone else because it would hurt
him.
Now I know things might not be the same with you and your boyfriend and I know my life story probably doesn't help, but I sense such similarities with this and I fear that you might not really him as much as you think you do. I thought I knew Jesse inside and out, we'd known each other for about a year in a half - two years, but obviously not. I thought it was best to stick with him dispite all the problems, but I was dropped when I found out, receaved death threats, and harassment. He never apologized for what he did, he never even felt a little sorry about it either and I wonder sometimes where in our relationship had he changed so drastically, and why I hadn't noticed it before.
Protect yourself, and do what you think is right for you
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