Yeah, I felt like he would never do that and I would never have to deal with that because I was safe. When I found out it was like the whole world was ending and life didn't make sense, but it's suprising what us humans can live through!

It's hard to know what you really want sometimes. I felt safe with Jesse but I didn't really want him. I realize now looking back, if I had just trusted my feelings and had been just a little bit stronger, I could have broken the chains that kept me with him. I would have saved myself a lot of heartache these past few weeks, but I was scared of not feeling that security and even hurting him which wasn't something I wanted.

How he got me back so many times was guilting me to stay. He would act like he was going to suicide, he would tell me he was crying, he would stay things that he knew (cause he admitted this) that would make me feel horrible. He would push me into "hero" mode so I would try to save him from the pain that I was inflicting. The only way to do that was to stay.

It's really a hard battle that in the long run (if you haven't already tried to talk to him about how you feel) will only get worse. I tried a lot to get Jesse to understand me, I would find webpages and plead with him to read them so he could understand how I felt, but he brushed me off and pushed me aside. A good, healthy relationship is supposed to make you happy, it's supposed to be two people working for it together, not one person giving and the other only taking. People can only give so much until they run out of things to give. I couldn't give anything more to Jesse so he found someone else.