I've been told somany things by family members and friends but I always feel the same.. lecture afterlecture it just makes me feelmore dull....lame....useless.....problematic.....an %#@&#!....I can't concentrate when im socialy involved... I often hide myself in my room and play my games about 24 hours... for weeks to months till I finally go out and it's usually for drugs because I feel they can cure depression. I've done just about everything under the sun when it comes to drugs. I need help im confused I dont know if I have depression or not.. i've check the site and done the quizes for teen deperession... I scored about a 33. I feel that everyday is just the same theres no need to go on caring I feel like im 90 years old and I should just give up because everyday feels like %#@&#! I feel like %#@&#! and iam %#@&#!... This felt ironic to me...mentioning stomaches in the symptom section for teen depression... when I was in 3rd grade there were alot of issues going on at home.... sister.... my wierd uppy attitude and yelling... my parents fighting (literally throwing punches)... conpiracies going on in the neighborhood that got my dad arrested ..... sexual contact when I was young .. it was with another girl.. I learned about sex by a male friend who.. (I wouldnt like to say). (Im throwing stuff off the bat that comes to mind im not really organized and I have alot of social anxiety I get clammy hands, nausea, stomach pains, odd thoughts about every sentence I say is wrong or stupid or I didnt say it right or with enough enthusiam. I often screech sometimes when I speak because I feel very shy though the people I socialize with I knew for 2-3 years ...(I always sleep in day and have insomia....I have pale skin but its gotten better I guess im more tanned now just because I go on rides with my dad cuz if I say no.. I feel guilty). I seem to have hidden myself in my room because of this.... I dont do things socialy as I once usta as a kid.. those were the good old days that I miss) I rarely feel like commiting suicide but then remember finding readme.txt files of my dad writing about ocmmiting suicide due to the divorce and being cheated on.. he drew a gun to his head on a tablet that I found....it didnt scare me but gave me awfull thoughts about life.. I dont believe in god... why should there be god I dont wanna die and goto heaven nor hell I WANNA REST FROM ALL THIS %#@&#!! Im so confused people say im dillusional! god damnit wtf is this %#@&#! in my head then! I freel so much sorrow, guilt, anxiety, pain, uselessness, hopelessness, unforgiveable, no self-esteem, fatigue, loneliness (I have never had a GF but so many ppl had set me up... im always feeling like im doing something wrong therefore causing me to back down its to shamefull to bare I CANT DEAL WITH IT I HVATA RUN AWAY FROM EVRYTING I DONT WANNA LIVE MY LIFE IN A %#@&#! CAGE ) I need help.. someone help... tell me whats wrong with me..please be sure your correct... please.. I remember when I was a kid... before everything went to hell... it was so sweet.. so... fun... what happened to me!?!?!?!?

I dont have time to tell you all of my troubles I dont have time even though I always have it ..... I coudl probably say this is only 25% of my ****** life.