Sundog don't worry about not sounding helpful, there is nothing much that anyone can say at this point. Just responding and knowing that someone read my post and just wishing me well is helpful. I know I can be a bit too much. I even scare my friends away with my emails. I have too much to say and its too intense sometimes i think. I sometimes don't know what to do with myself, my thoughts and feelings just overwhelm me and i feel like i have to get them out and i never have anyone to really talk to and i feel like i can't vent to my few friends all the time because i think they get tired of it. I think now i'm doing the same thing on here. I just don't know what else to do. I appreciate you responding i really do. Anyway, my bf's neice hasn't started the ged program yet. She is supposed to start Monday I hope. Its late afternoon until evening so she'll be home some part of the day. But at least it will be a break for me. She doesn't work and has no money to go anywhere. Her stepmother and friends live in another town, she needs bus money. I've been giving her money every day this week just to go get stuff she wants from the store. She did go out yesterday and today and i gave her money for that. I'll give it to her if she needs it, she never asks to go anywhere unless she has something to do, or she usually goes to her stepmother on weekends, at least she has been. Her father told my bf that her stepmother was complaining that she has to feed her and she asks her for money so he didn't want her going there. Who knows if that is true or if that is in his crazy head. Also, my bf doesn't want me giving her money to go places unless she really needs to do something. I don't know what he is afraid of but he tries to keep her home all the time. I know she used to come home late alot when she was with her father, i guess they think she is doing something she shouldn't be, i don't know. My therapist's only option is for me to move. She knows i worry about being able to make it financially but she thinks there is always a way to make things work. Get a roomate or something. Getting a roomate to me is just as bad as living with my bf's neice. They will have their own room and all but what if they bring people over all the time. There are a lot of reasons why having a roomate scares me. What i really want i can't have and that is to be able to live in a nice apartment in a nice, safe area by myself. Be able to pay rent, have a phone a computer, pay all my necessary bills plus have a car and not have to struggle. To be honest I would still be depressed because i would miss my bf but i'd have the peace and quiet and i wouldn't have to deal with his family. Either way i wouldn't be completely happy. That is why I feel doomed no matter what i do. Plus I do have major depression. I see things negatively and that doesn't help. I hate feeling the way i do and doing the things i do. All week except Monday i was in the house in bed mostly. I could run errands, i have things to do, i need to clean, do laundry, but i have no energy or motivation. I used to be able to hide this from people now my bf's neice sees me and i'm sure is wondering what is my problem. This makes me feel worse. Anyway, I know i am very depressing and nobody knows what to do or say to me, i understand that. Like I said I appreciate any response I get I do not expect anyone to have solutions to my problems.