>>I often think that people don't understand because they have no basis to compare it to.

I agree with that but I think it goes a step further... not only do they not have something to compare it to, but they think that they do have something to compare it to.

They think that when we are depressed we mean the same thing they might feel if someone close to them dies. Therefore they think we should be able to come to terms with it and get over it just like they eventually did.

Sometimes I try to explain to them... remember that same day that you found out about the death? At that immediate point in time, you if had to go to work, had show tickets, had other responsibilities, you WOULD NOT be able to put those feelings "on hold" and tend to your life. It should be OBVIOUS that at that point there is something physical, chemical going on in your body that effects your feelings, concentration, "happiness", etc. Of course with time it fades and you get back to business. But suppose those physical changes and chemicals got "stuck" in that position, wouldn't let up, wouldn't let you stop that intense period of grieving? That's kind of what depression is, the chemicals get "stuck" in a place that is no longer a response to the outside world. You CAN'T "snap out of it", or "think yourself happy" because that is exactly what the ILLNESS won't let you do and that is why it IS an illness.

It's like telling someone with diabetes to "snap out of it", explaining that diabetes is an illness, and then having that person say "Well I had two sugar donuts once, it gave me a headache, but the next day I was fine! So snap out of it!"

People go for the opposite response... this is generally true of a lot of stuff in life... People "don't understand" so they assume they know better (which would be true only if they DID understand) rather than to accept the explanation. Long ago (way before depression entered my life) I named this the "Oprah" syndrome... because so often on talk shows like Oprah someone on stage would explain something unique about their lifestyle or feelings... then someone in the audience would stand up and say "Well, I can't understand why you can't just so-and-so..." If you "can't understand" how is it that you think you are qualified to make a judgement???!!!

I still like my idea from another thread here... break their leg in two with a blunt object and then don't take them to the ER, tell them to just "snap out of it" (or "walk it off!!!")