I've made many mistakes in the past by letting Rachel talk it out with me. I would sit there and let her plea, let her say what she had to say. On many occasions however I would dismiss her after she said everything and go back to my business without befriending her again. Though there were those few times she managed to get me back, I don't really remember how, or why I would give in, but it happened too many times.

I have a feeling that sometime, sooner or later, maybe even tomorrow, she'll try again. I don't know why she tries. Usually it is after she has left the guy she took. When she took Steven, she didn't properly try to rekindle our friendship until a few months after, which was when she pulled the anmesia excuse out of her hat. When she first went with Jesse, she didn't try to talk to me again until a few weeks- months after that as well. The last time I spoke to her, before all of this happened, was in August, days after she started getting Jesse to cheat.

The fact that she is trying to come back in some way makes me think she has left Jesse and is now going to bring up some excuse to me (if I let her) on why she did it. She thinks I'm stupid, and that I'll forgive her again. But she doesn't know, that I might have forgiven her so many times, I'm not stupid. I might be forgiving and foolish, but stupid is one of the things I'm not. I give her chances, knowing that in the end she's gonna mess it up. I only let her prove to me, again and again, why I dislike her, why I don't want to be her friend. A lot of people don't understand why because they know her personality and is her friend and they just think 'Rachel isn't like that' so I just say, well okay then, you can have your way and I'll be her "friend" but you watch, in a few months, you'll see why I didn't want to be in the first place. And it happens. It happened to the friend I mentioned earlier; he used to be her friend more than mine, he used to really like her and think of her as an amazing person and would always try to make us friends again. Now he sees because he was there for every moment of this situation and he's just disgusted.

Rachel really does think I'm stupid. She thinks she's smart and is the greatest liar on earth. She's admitted she lies all the time as if she is proud of it, and the traumatic stories she tells.. they're so out there that no one would ever believe her.. I mean I usually do believe people when they say stuff like that because it's pretty serious.. but with her you'll listen and you think, something clicks and you're just like "wait that doesn't make sense at all". She thinks she is mature as any 15+ year old, but she's only 12 (13 tomorrow) and not to be all full of myself or anything but she just can't compete with me on that level.

She can't hide her personality like she thinks she can. I've known her for three years now, she can't pretend and fool me. Her methods are repeatitive: be Paula's friend, find out if she has boyfriend, hate boyfriend until she breaks up, if that fails steal boyfriend, make Paula hate him and me, after a few weeks break up with her boyfriend, come back and make things good. That's her plan. Always. Sometimes it's with somone else doing the stealing, but the basics are the same.

I just wish sometimes I knew the cause for this. I mean I know it's jealousy. I had Jesse come back those few days and complain to me for hours how insecure she is about him talking to me, how she is always saying I'm better at her at everything. I had the friend that spoke with her tell me it was jealousy and even Rachel, at times, would indirectly say that she was jealous and insecure because of me. I don't think these things, I don't think I'm better than her. I never ever wanted to accept that anyone could be jealous of me.. I just think we're two different people on different levels in different places.. But.. I don't know, I always feel like it's more to it than just jealousy. That answer seems so simple..

Do people really go that far and for so long over people who they're jealous of? Like I would think that if she hated me so much and I made her feel so bad, she would be happy that we're not talking.. You know.. instead of looking and finding me and trying to be my friend??

I am actually 100% sure now that it was Rachel. I checked the msn profile she added me with a little while after I posted this and I was the only one she added. The account is extremely new as well as if it was made today.