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Old Nov 12, 2010, 11:22 AM
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midnight_soul midnight_soul is offline
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Member Since: Sep 2010
Location: texas
Posts: 74
Did any one in the (USA) see the Documentury last night "Who Will Stand" honoring the ALL Veterans of War? Well, I did and as I watched I felt so conected to these men and women even though I have never been in the military. These men and woman are so much like all of us, they have anxiety, sleep and eating issues, the self loathing, abuse, hatred etc. Many of them stated that when a soldier comes home, and if he/she is even willing to admit they are in need of help they are sent to a shrink for only one session, and all they get is to walk out with a prescription in hand and that's it. They have no where to go to talk, and if they even dare ask for help they are forever labled with a mental/physical disorder resulting in them being homeless, can't find work because they have this label on their record, OMG the list went on and on. Just a little FYI...I am going to do some research on finding a way to help them men/women in my town by offering a listening ear and promise to NEVER tell any one whay they say, not even my husband. I know we have at least a few here in my small town and after that show, I am guessing they feel the same way as what I saw on that show.

After it was over I told my husband.....do you get it now? I to have this "label" that I am mentally/physically incapable of work, however the governement as well and no lawyer will not help me to recieve disability, I also have sufferd many surgeries resulting in my pysical pain OFF THE CHARTS etc. All I get are pills pills and more pills. Then my shrink whom I trusted with my life for the past 6 years ruined what little of my mind I had left using me like a guinea pig with ECT making me believe....this will make every thing all go away. He told me that 75% of all ppl feel better after a number of treatments. Stupid ME did not do my research until it was to late. What I have found is the opposite to be true and trust me, I see him on the 23rd of this month and my husband is going in with me and BOY are we going to talk. I am ......PI**ED! We both already know the out come of this visit....more pills OR back in the hospital which I will refuse.

I feel like a no body. I can't remember sh**, my body feels that of an old woman that can't even get out of bed with out falling due to the emense pain and I could go on but why?....I know many of you "get it". Sad, but true. I am trying so hard to complete a job, washing windows inside and out and the pain it has caused is making me worse. But I MUST complete it because my husband is counting on me for the money, and it also drives me for my children. This will be money for Christmas, for my kids and I will not, can not give up no matter what. Yes I know money doesn't buy happiness and yes I know there are things I can make them etc. And for the record, I have taken that advise and I am making a few special things however, they are just kids ya know? They are counting on momma to give them just one thing each on their wish list they make just for me knowing momma isn't rich like Grandma. I just can't let them down any more than I already have in their short lives here on earth.

Still, my hands are already so swollenfrom the work they look like they are going to bust and my body is in unimanigable pain. I have until 2 days before thanks giving. My husband said he will help me this weekend to see if together we can get it done. As grateful as I am for his help, it also just reminds me of what a failure I truly am. I can't do ANYTHING by myslef except....use the toilet and some times I can't even do that right. You know...you in the middle of...uuuuummmm...THE BROWN ONE realize you have no toilet paper and NO ONE IS HOME!. Thank God there are many uses of the TOWEL. Other than that .....God I am sick of pills. But I can't make it without them.



I just feel that no matter what I say or do or how many pills I take or don't take, I will never get well. I can't get over the loss of my children, that one is the BIGGY! I look in the mirror and try to tell myself ....I love you.... but all I see is dark baggy eyes, frown lines from hell, ugly musshy celulite....I ccould be the poster girl.......YUCK!

Please don't any one take this wrong, I know it is going to come out sounding bad (4give me).....but I am at the point that when any one sends me words of encouragement I just toss it out of my mind. It doesn't help me at all. Im sorry, I mean no harm but come on, I KNOW there are MANY of you that feel the same way so why do we do it? Why not just be honest and say.....I don't know....the truth??? Having said that I do appreciate all of you please don't think I am big meanie, I just want a place such as this that I can get out the truth in my soul and not be condemned to hell for it.

My appologies to the moderators if you feel you must edit my post but I ask you....think before you do. My words are just as true for many who are afraid to say it....I know it in my gut. But if you do, I am sorry if I have offended or broken any rules. I have read all the guidelines etc, I may be walking on thin ice here but I have to get it out and pray I am not breaking any rules.

Sorry this was so long. My soul is heavy 2 day.

If I could do anything I want 4 the good.....I would make a difference in some ones life 4 the better. I can't help myself, but I would give the shirt off my back, coat and all if they were cold and in need. I truly would however, God help those who may see me as I dash to my Van naked....it may ruin them 4 EVER.

2 every one....do not fear who you are just for one day.....TODAY.

Every one, if you chose not to reply here in public, feel free to do so through my personal email

angellesa2002@yahoo.com

Last edited by midnight_soul; Nov 12, 2010 at 11:31 AM. Reason: entering email