It makes me so sad to hear you beat yourself up this way. You don't deserve it. I'm really glad you shared your feelings, though, because I have the same thoughts running over and over in my head, too. It really hurts to feel that way.

Even if you feel like you fail at some things, you are are good at plenty of things!
You are very supportive and helpful on PC.
You are working on your issues.
You are brave enough to face yourself.
You are able to make yourself vulnerable to people here.
You are smart enough to recognize that you could make some changes in your life.
You are very in touch with your feelings.
This means you are going somewhere--up. I believe in you.

About the lying: It sounds like you lie sometimes in some situations. You don't miss every class or appointment, right? So you don't lie all the time.

Maybe sometimes when you lie there's a common situation or feeling, and lying is your way of coping. It may not be the best way of coping, but it's understandable if you came from such a chaotic background. Being able to trace that behavior back to your early years and previous times you did it is a HUGE step forward, and in time being so perceptive will help you to heal and feel better.

I lie, too, and it's usually to protect myself from being "exposed." I protect myself because I'm hurt inside. So does my sister. We are ACOA's, and your family background sounds a lot like ours was. I'm sorry it was so bad for you; you are a survivor and you are coping the best way you can. I don't judge you for that; you obviously aren't trying to hurt anyone else and you care about other people.

I believe that if we keep working on these things, we will feel better. It takes work, which you are doing great at! It takes time, too. I'm one of those people who prays for "patience, now" so I know how frustrating the journey can be. I hope you are feeling better today and are able to be more gentle with yourself. Hugs to you.