Quote:
Originally Posted by velcro003
i'm about to be 30, and while i have dated in the past (and not in like 5 or 6 years), I've never had sex. I feel abnormal for still being a virgin, and not even attempting to date in a very long time. I had a semi-serious boyfriend in HS, and dated (very briefly) a few other guys here and there.
What is the fear for you? Are you afraid of being close to someone emotionally? physically? For me, the physicality of sex scares me. Why, I don't know, especially since I have not had any abuse. I know I'm capable of emotional relationships because I have some really great friends.
I think there are more people out there that have very limited/no dating experience than you think--but it is a tough subject because the world is made out for couples. I for one do NOT bring it up with anyone. To my work friends, we keep it superficial and light; same with my family. I just don't ever talk about dating and then people don't generally ask. But, as the years have progressed, it does feel harder. Friends get married, friends have babies...it changes their life and consequently mine.
I have no advice, but wanted to let you know you are not alone!
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Your story sounds very similar to mine, I'm a girl and will turn 30 next year. I'm still a virgin. However, I have social phobia, so I have never had a boyfriend or done anything physical with a guy. You are so right in saying that it is a couples' world. Every time one of my friends gets married, I think, well another one bites the dust. I don't even really like going to any of their weddings because they make me sad, doubly sad because I lost my father at age 20 and it's hard seeing the brides with their dads giving them away. But I bite the bullet for them, because that's what friends do. I know it's going to be even worse once they start having kids, and I know most of them will in the next few years down the road.
It's hard when everybody's changing and you are not, it feels like you're being left behind. The fact that I am almost 30 compounds this fact. It seems more acceptable to not date in high school, for instance, than it is at this age. As far as feeling intimidated by the physicality of sex, that frightened me for a long time. But in recent months, as I have progressed in my therapy and have made a few life changes, I do not feel that way anymore. Men's "parts" don't seem scary. My sex drive has been through the roof. However, as much as I want a physical relationship, I know that this is not the only factor. I know that I am still at a point in my life where I just want it to be me, me, me all the time. I don't want to take care of anyone nor be committed to either seeing someone every day or living with them, it would ****ing wear me out. Don't even get me started on thinking of a wedding. I am not emotionally ready. Maybe that will change one day.
(Sorry suzzie, I know this wasn't a reply directly to you, but I hope this was of some help to you)