Hi, it's probably not the same, but I kind of get what you wrote about.. I could never imagine myself with anyone, but sometimes I do get those urges with people and I ask myself, why am I feeling this way? Because I don't want to feel that way. I don't really know either. I'm guessing it's just hormones or something natural..

Whatever the reason, it's not your fault. I don't think it's really something abnormal or anything, I mean humans are sexual creatures and sexual thoughts or feelings are sometimes involuntary and hard to control. Also, a lot of times, a person can feel that he or she is 'the only one' because certain topics or issues seem weird or shameful and other people who experience the same thing don't want to or are ashamed to talk about it. I suppose something like therapy could help you understand yourself better, if you'd want to try. I have no experience with this though.

Although it's hard to control feelings, maybe you can control your reactions when you have these feelings, like try to distract yourself with something else? I'm sure there is more to you than just those urges. Maybe you can focus more on aspects about yourself which you are proud of, rather than on the guilt you feel, and this will make you feel better about yourself, which is what you deserve.