Me and my mom have always had a rocky relationship since I became an adult. Every time we were around each other, the tension within myself was so thick you could cut it with a knife. I always felt like she was criticizing everything I did (because she was): my house was never clean enough, my hair was always too messy, she would constantly be on my case about not having a job or what my husband was doing wrong or how much we needed to learn to manage our money (what little bit we have). I always felt like I was walking on eggshells around her. Afraid to say or do something wrong. I constantly felt like I was never good enough for her and she didn't trust me to make my own decisions or live my life separate from her.

But now, ever since I found out I have a brother, it is like our relationship has done a complete 180. She no longer nit-picks every little thing about me... never says anything negative about my appearance, etc (I am most shocked that she has set foot in my house and not said "It's messy/junky in here...you need to clean this place up." She always used to say that, because she is a clean freak that is constantly cleaning her house even though most people would think it was pretty damn clean... near spotless)

When I was over at her house for two nights this week, we got along shockingly well. It was almost as if we were friends instead of mother/daughter. I am very pleased and excited that my relationship with my mom is on a completely different level that it was and that she is finally treating me like an adult, but at the same time, I am very skeptical. I find it extremely hard to let my guard down and become emotionally close to my mom because I am constantly thinking "this is too good to be true! is this like the calm before the storm? Is something going to happen that makes our relationship digress again?" The way she used to treat me was very painful and I don't want it to happen again. I feel like I am being torn in two directions... on one hand, I want to be close to my mom... as an adult child... have her treat me more like a friend than her daughter. But on the other hand, I am so scared that if I allow myself to get close to her, I will end up getting hurt again, and I don't think I could that any more hurt from her.