the edge of my breakdown is always latent. continually surfacing without restraint.
i know i need help. but i don't know who to turn to.
i need someone to help me... but everyone around me seems so fragile.
there is always an excuse i conjure not to burden those around me for help.
the only person i turn to is an ex boyfriend -- over burdening him.
I keep thinking... my dad can't afford to help, brother is emotionally intolerant. i Have to handle things on my own. only problem is -- i can't. and i know it.

So i skillfully hold on to my shattering pieces, holding on for dear life... Afraid that when i totally break, i will be completely alone. bleeding. alone to die.

my put together act is a total lie.
i don't want people to know what is really going on
i have no trust.

i am not real
i am not honest with everyone.
i am not honest with myself

my demons are too big for me.
i can't handle it.

what can i do?