I'm feeling a bit anxious and I don't really want to talk about why I feel this way because....well, many reasons I don't want to talk about either.

But i'm scared I may have to cut to overcome this anxiety and do what I have to do. I know I have a choice and I don't have to cut or do anything self destructive but I also know that if I don't I won't 'make' things balanced and copable and, as weak as it sounds, I just cannot handle this feeling building up inside me for much longer! I have thought about writing it down to get it out but it scares me too much to do that, i don't want to think about it, or talk about it, or....anything. I don't know why, seems bizarre to be so fearful that I can't even write in my own diary about it. Especially when logically i know there is absolutely no reason to be scared.

I'm scared. And it feels almost stupid to feel scared when I know I will cope and that in a few days time this won't be such a big deal...But right now my mind is reeling with ideas of how to balance myself without causing too much damage. I'm going to try and not do anything and see what happens but I am scared to do that too. Life is lonely isn't it?!