Truly sorry about your mom. I lost my dad in 2002 right before my 21st birthday. Grieving can take years and years. At this point, I feel like the "sting" has gone away...but there are things that can trigger a meltdown. For me, it's Christmas and funerals. When my father died, I remember my therapist telling me in the following months that I needed to have a "hard cry"....she said something like "you need to be on the couch and just cry it out." Allow yourself to grieve at your own pace. You are in a vulnerable place right now, go easy on yourself.