((Melba))

Haven't been on much and just read this. I hope you are feeling a teeny bit better. I also have a split off part that wants to die. Sometimes when I speak to T from that perspective and I reflect on it later it feels so strange because I wonder which side will "win" the battle. And I find that the pain of blaming the self for pushing T away is the rejected infant/child in me recreating her experience. It's painful, for sure. I loved the course in miracles quote you posted and wish I could tell you how to hold onto the loving part and loving feelings.