I don't think it's a black and white issue either. It depends. In my situation, my former T was too strict. I think it hurt me when she said a hug wouldn't be good for me. She didn't want to nurture me because she said I would never be satisfied. I was always frustrated in my therapy with her, always trying to get what I thought she couldn't give me. What she said she couldn't, or was it wouldn't, give me.

My new T doesn't make me beg to get affection from her. She doesn't frustrate me. She would have hugged me sooner but I didn't want her to. It wasn't such a big deal because she never refused. I always thought about holding former T's hand but when I brought it up, she made me feel embarrassed for wanting it. Current T just came over and held my hand.

Which is more helpful? I felt addicted to former T, always fantasizing about affection she would never give me. I don't fantasize about my current T. I don't want more from her. She doesn't make me crave anything from her. I don't have to wish she would hug me because she WILL just do it.