I just got off the phone a few mins ago with my mom who is an active alcoholic/drugaddict. When I was around 12 I had to move to my dad and my mom has been homeless for many years and is doing terrible physically and mentally. Altho, sometimes we do see each other when she's "ok" and doesn't seem to have been drinking (altho I believe she's on some pills). Anyway, I hadn't talked to her for almost a year now, and tonight we talked about the past. How my dad physically and mentally abused me (nothing sexual that I know of), and how he abused her. Sometimes he'd drive her out of the house or forbid her to see me, threatened to take kids away from her etc... One time he had spanked me so I was blue and she wanted to take me to the hospital and she threatened to report him, and he was afraid and didn't do anything if she was around. Altho he still beat her, threatened her. When we finally moved away from him, her drinking got worse and as I wrote I had to move to Him again and the abuse continued altho at that age I would sometimes try to fight him back. ... what I want to write about is, that today, I don't know what to do about my parents anymore. I love my mom very much, but talking to her and seeing her brings up so much pain She is truly a wonderful person behind the alcohol. I could see her once or twice a year if she's "sober" but it brings back so much hurt, and I miss not having her as my mom because she has a beautiful heart and mind. I don't know if I should end our relationship???? Also with dad, he has left all his kids and new wife (altho they've been married 15 yrs almost) and is cheating on her, lying to everyone and has always denied everything bad he has done. I don't know if to end that relationship also. I'm hurting badly and I am dealing with a depression and trying to put my life back together. Seeing a therapist and trying to do all the right things... I just don't know if I can deal with the pain that comes when I see my parents, and still I don't want to live totally without them either because deep down I love them and pray for things to become better in the future. Who knows how much time we have left...? My is breaking!!!!!!!!