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Elana05 · Nov 15, 2010 at 10:00 AM

Hi cutebagaddict08,

"It's so frustrating and emotionally draining at times, that parents sometimes don't realize how much kids are affected by their divorce, even if they are at an older age and can understand a bit more-it still hurts."

This sounds so hard, my heart goes out to you. My parents' divorce was super difficult for me as well, and they divorced when I was only 4! But I also left my childhood home then... I'm in my 30's now. I think what was especially hard was that both my mom and dad also suffer from (untreated) depression. As I was growing up they would always tell stories about one another, both good and bad. But it made it seem like they were still pining after each other. Plus my mom never remarried or even found anyone else. So it's like after all this time they still have emotional ties and I'm stuck in the middle. Although I'm trying not to be anymore - with a lot of therapy.

While I don't have any brothers or sisters I can totally, deeply understand your experience of having a hard time communicating with your sister during and after the divorce. I think one hallmark of divorce is that we kids sort of become silenced. We get overshadowed by the divorce and take up the role of not wanting to be a bother or cause any trouble... I can relate to the notion of having a lot of bottled up anger with no outlet for it...
I just wanted to add that I have found seeing a therapist very helpful. I was thinking... would you and your sister ever consider going togther? Even just a few sessions. It might help you understand or regain some of the communication you lost, help you both feel stronger in the face of the difficulty of this big change in your family and feel more like you still have one another to depend on...

Sending supportive thoughts your way... thanks for posting on this difficult topic.

E