(((((peaches)))))) I can relate. I can be very self-destructive at times.. I've learned to suppress this and not act on the urges, most of the time, but it is.. urgh.. difficult. And my parents are imperfect people with poor control of their emotions but they truly have good intentions.. I don't want to blame them for my problems nor do I think I should.

Sometimes I have tried SO HARD to figure out the WHY of my behavior that I miss the actual "why." Sometimes, figuring out what event in the past caused my current behavior is actually avoiding something. Or sometimes I will go over the past over and over and later I realize that I've been beating myself up with the past, not healing from it. In my opinion it's not always necessary to ferret out the event that caused me to behave in whatever way I behave. The past will come up naturally, I've found, if I try to move toward taking care of myself AND I stay mindful of what comes up for me in that process.

In DBT they teach you that you heal from emotions by acting opposite to your emotions when you realize that acting in accordance with your emotions is against your personal values. So, you heal from irrational guilt, by doing the thing that makes you feel guilty, over and over (instead of avoiding). You heal from irrational fear, by doing the thing that makes you feel fearful, over and over (instead of avoiding). You heal from RATIONAL guilt by making amends. You heal from RATIONAL fear by getting out of the situation.

If you act opposite to your emotions, things will come up from the past. Memories will come warning you -- NO, DON'T, STOP, THIS IS WHAT COULD HAPPEN. Watching those thoughts, emotions, and memories come and go -- feeling them fully in the moment -- seeing them for what they are (just thoughts, just memories, just emotions) -- and acting exactly how I want to act anyway, is the way that I have healed and will continue to.