So. I guess the END of the story of today's session is that T ended by saying "sometimes I'm a bad T, but I'm usually a good one". Today was a "bad T" day.

We just weren't connecting at all. He was feeling really..concerned? defensive?...about his part in the time thing, and was SO focused on that. I have been struggling in the hugest way since my session on Thursday with "all of the boundary crossings in the past were caused by me". I SO needed to get some help and relief at today's session, but T just couldn't hear me. And it was a 90 minute session, so it just feels like a waste of what could have been a really helpful time.

He finally, FINALLY got it at the end, and tuned in to what I was saying, and we did talk about what I needed to talk about for about 10 minutes. Then I gave him his socks and cried a whole bunch and then I left.

It just is what it is. I don't expect T to be perfect...he's only a person, and today, he was WAY more in "person" mode than in "T" mode.

It just sucks that now I have to sit with these feelings another week. They hurt, and I'm tired.