You really don't care about the two years of not injurying yourself or don't care about life in general? I wish I could give you some wonderful peice of advice that would make the world shine for you as you read it because it would open you up to a whole new world of health and happiness. Have you ever noticed that there are a million books out there that claim that if you read them the world will be wonderful for you and you will become an enlightened soul and suddenly you will be happy. Why is that? Why is it that they have the answers but their answers just don't fit our lives? Then I ask myself "are they still so wonderfully happy now that a year or two has gone by since they wrote the final draft and the gloriness has worn off with the tumble of life?" "Did their advice really hold water or was it just given in a state of temporary nirvana?" I do the book buying for a "spiritual" bookstore so I am inundated with the info on thousands of books written by people who have found peace in their lives and want to tell me how to find peace in my own life. It is funny because most of them would be deemed mentally unstable and not in touch with reality. If I went to my T and told him that I was channeling an alien angel and that it knew exactly what mankind needed to do to survive our times, my T would send a note to my pdoc and suggest that maybe I needed more medication. But people buy these books. Thousands of people have paid millions of dollars to JZ Knight just to learn what instructions she recieved from Ramtha the last time she channeled him. People find comfort in the words of John Edwards who is hearing voices and recieving images. When I was hearing voices I got put in the hospital but people buy his books all the time.

I know this has nothing to do with your problems but when you said you didn't care anymore all this stuff flooded my brain. Perhaps all these people seek this information because they too wish they cared. My most dangerous times are when I feel I don't care anymore or more accurately I tell myself that I don't care because caring hurts too much. That is when I begin to lose hope. But at the same time it is when I care the most because if I didn't care then I wouldn't hurt so badly. If I didn't care I would need too squash the emotional pain under physical scars because if I truely didn't care none of that pain would matter anymore.

I am worried that you are in that place. I worry because it is the bleakest place on the face of the earth and many people get lost there never to come back. I want you to come back. Don't ask my why. I don't know you. i only met you yesterday so you shouldn't matter to me, not yet anyway. But you do matter to me, perhaps because in some ways you ARE me. Your pain is my pain that I lived once before and will live once again. If you can hold my hand and I can pull you back into a world that matters to you then I will be able to come back too.

So you see, I have no answers, no wisdom, no way to help. However I do care about what happens to you and I hope you will use that care as a surragate emotion to help you get through this moment of darkness.

So please take care dear one,
In light, love, and hope,
Carrie

<font color=blue>The soul should always stand ajar ready to welcome the ecstatic experience.--Emily Dickinson