My Support Forums - View Single Post - I was raped

krisakira · Nov 16, 2010, 04:51 AM

I was raped. No, it wasn't by a stranger. I wasn't held at knife- or gun-point. It didn't happen in a back alley at night. I wasn't under the age of 18. He didn't ejaculate. But I was still raped.

Many people believe the myths about rape that it has to be this hollywood setting, where a stranger jumps out of the bushes with a gun or a knife, and rapes a very attractive woman at night. While this does sadly happen, not all rape happens that way. In fact, the majority of rapists are family members, neighbors, friends, boyfriends or even husbands. People you know, see every day, and even let inside your house.

It was almost a year ago that my rape happened. I let him inside my house. I let him take a tour of my house. I let him kiss me. I let him fondle me. I let him get me nude. It was consentual. What was NOT consentual was the penetration. And that means it was rape.
It doesn't matter how far you go with another person. No person "loses control." Everyone has a choice. It was his choice to penetrate me, after I told him not to. It wasn't my fault because I let it "get too far" and his "raging hormones caused him to do it." I wasn't "too attractive" for him.

Sometimes, I wish it was that hollywood setting. But it was not, and therefore I did not recieve the proper support after it happened. After he left, I considered what happened as sex. I took a shower, I washed up. Not once did it cross my mind to call the police. In fact, it wasn't even until about three weeks later that I started to question what had happened. By that time, I had told my closest friends and a supportive adult, and my therapist, that I had had sex. Nothing more. Even after questioning what happened, I went on to believe the lie that it was my fault. I tried to talk about it to the supportive older adult in my life. Because she believed all the myths about rape, she did not believe that I was raped. She told me it was my fault, so I continued to believe the lie. A few weeks later, I asked my male therapist if I could talk to a woman therapist about what happened. She also believed in the myths, and therefore told me it was my fault. Every time it happened, I sunk further into the despairing belief that what had happened was my fault. By the time I recieved real support for my real rape, damage had been done. It now will take me much longer to heal from my rape than it should have, because I did not recieve proper support at the beginning. I don't want anyone else to go through what I did. But sadly, 5 out of 6 rape victims don't report it to the police. This is one reason why.
If you don't know if you were raped or not, please go online and research this stuff. Read other stories. You are not alone. There is help. It was not your fault. It never was, and never will be.

To read about more rape myths, and the truths to them, visit http://www.rapehelp.com/rape-myths.html. To report a rape, call 911 or visit RAINN.org for help.

For rape statistics, visit http://www.rapehelp.com/rape-victims...o-suicide.html.