We're going to a week long holiday to our home town tomorrow. We'll stay at my grandad's old house when we go there. He's dead now and the house is empty except for the times when we all gather there (my aunts and uncles and cousins, etc.).

I don't want to go! There are rumours that the place is haunted, but I don't care about that. I'm not afraid of ghosts and I hardly believe the rumours anyway. But I'm afraid of something else. We used to go there very often when my grandad was alive and I used to stay in the room upstairs and hurt myself several times a day. I also smoked in the bathroom or in the back yard. AND I had a suicide attempt once (my dad found me sprawled in the middle of the sitting room, my wrist bleeding and an empty bottle of pills next to me!)

Everytime we go there those memories come back and I have a kind of relapse. I just don't want to go! I've told my parents that I don't like it there but I simply cannot tell them why. I've said it's because I don't want to miss my karate lessons which is also true seeing as the lessons are a great source of comfort and distraction and everything. I DON'T WANT TO GO!