|
E-mail to T.
I don't know. I'm trying to make session okay in my head, even though it wasn't what I wanted (or needed or whatever) it to be. And you were like...in "person" mode more than "therapist" mode in some ways...and so I guess I'm trying to feel like I was with T the person, and that that's okay. Maybe I'm reaching, huh?
I am really really really tired. I felt like I did a good job really hanging in there and holding so many big thoughts and feelings until today, and I seriously, SERIOUSLY can't believe I am here with them another week.
I guess it makes me look for grace, so there's that. It makes me notice when things take a turn that I don't expect...when I realize I'm connected to people at my meeting, or when I catch myself in the mirror, laughing while (youngest son) and I are making our toothbrushing faces, or when (middle son with autism) surprises me by drawing a picture of God, or whatever. It makes me have to be open to whatever grace comes my way, because otherwise, everything just hurts too much.
Maybe I'm trying to "reframe" (therapist word!) all of this so I can get through the week. I don't know.
My feelings feel so so big. And I am so so confused.
|