pain is under control....

i borrowed $500 from my sister to get dental work done ...and i paid $180 and lost the envelope with the rest of it in it ...sighs...i was so out of it and the pain was so bad...i have been back where i went but no-one handed it in.....

stil need one more done... oh well

i had a long chat with a friend on the internet today and felt really good afterwards and ........... it always seems to happen......

you dont deserve to be happy....somthing bad will happen now wait and see..... they dont really like you......... if they knew about what happened they would wash their hands of you......

the i went out to buy some cat food (cisco has special biscuits for a crystals inhis bladder prob) and i bought other stuff....stuff i didnt need - i mean i cant eat properly anyway........

so then.....

why are you so damn stupid? why do you do this? no wonder these things happened to you - you probably asked for it the way you are asking for trouble now.... and i realised i had scratched up my arms.... as if they didnt look bad enough already

so i was desperate to SI - frantic - drove too fast to work - had to stop and control myself - was cranky withnthe nurse at handover - cos she had no freaking idea about anything grrrrr - i even made a nasty sarcastic remark - as i walked away that i now hope she didint hear - about ..well doesnt matter - im a cow - but now i just want to crawl into a corner ... and never come out....... i can feel my systems shutting down and i ahve to work so i cant - but all i want to do is sleep my life away....