I left my husband of 8 years in July. We have two children, ages 4 and 6. Things had just gotten so negative...the fighting began...we grew distant...quit talking....he became angry all the time and had very little patience for our kids - never did anything with them - I had to do it all and I work full-time and put myself through college all while trying to juggle everything by myself. I tried to talk to him about it - he never took me seriously - always said I was PMSing or said I was overreacting. I told him numerous times I was unhappy and something had to change. Nothing ever did. So finally I told him I was leaving and taking the kids with me. It blind-sided him - he said he didn't see it coming, although I've told him over and over again something had to change. It was certainly a wake-up call though. Let the real fighting begin though.....it's turned very ugly.

In the midst of me leaving, I reconnected with a friend that I haven't seen in 15 years. He was my best friend back in the day - one that I completely trusted with my life and we were very close, although we never dated. We talked about it but never did. Anyway, he lives in another state, and I've been to see him twice since my separation. It's been a nice distraction from all the drama with my husband. The thing is....I've fallen in love with this guy. I never expected it to happen so fast - all I wanted was a distraction, but now we even talk about our future together and he says he'll move states to be with me. Its definitely a commitment.

The trouble is I have severe guilt.....over not giving my marriage a second try to at least try counseling. I just said I was done. That's the person I am, though....I take and take and try to explain how I feel about things and try different things to make it work, but when I'm done, I'm done. I don't go back. I have guilt to separating my kids from their dad. They have actually taken it well....they cry for me when they are not with me, but they don't cry for him when they are with me. They are only away from me 2 days per week. I have them the rest of the week. I don't bash him in front of them, but he certainly bashes me and my daughter gets so upset when he says negative things about me to her (she tells me what he says). I've tried talking to him about it but he sees nothing wrong. I have guilt for thinking I've made this mess of my life. I have guilt knowing I'm going to have to shuffle my kids back and forth until they're old enough to drive. I have guilt knowing my kids may end up resenting me for splitting up their family. I have guilt for seeing another man and falling in love with this man so fast, although for me, the flame went out a long time ago with my husband. It just wasn't there anymore. I have so much guilt about everything and I know I'm the one who created all of it, that now I have a stomach ulcer. I can't eat right, everything hurts my stomach, my nerves are all to pieces. I can't think straight. Its just a big mess.

Where do I go from here? Do I try counseling on my own to find help on what it is I really want from life because I have no idea? Do I try to work out my failed marriage for the kids sake? I don't want to go back, but I don't want my kids to suffer because of me. If I didn't have kids, it would be a no-brainer...I would never go back. But when you have kids, everything changes. You make sacrifices for them. But I want a happy life and peace within myself too. When do you draw the line over selfishness? Am I selfish? There are so many questions.....I don't know where to begin.

Any thoughts? Anyone been in a similar situation?