thanks. i know this could really help me. but i'm still so nervous about what's going to happen. i know i need to change, but i have such a hard time dealing with issues. i just would much rather avoid everything. but i know that only makes things worse. i have been thinking non-stop since my appointment yesterday... and i'm just so worried that this is going to be hard not only on me personally, but on my relationship with my partner. one thing my T said yesterday has really stuck with me.... it's the fact that my caretaking and always trying to help my partner has actually been holding her back from doing her own healing. i can see that, i guess.... but it makes me feel so stressed. i dont know how i'm going to change. i dont want my changing to make my partner have to deal with more stress. this is not a good time of year. i know my T said we can take things slowly. but in a way... i feel like it's going to be so hard for me to face the fact that i've done things in a way that's not helpful or healthy and made life that much more complicated. i'm trying not to blame myself. i know life is hard. but i also know that i shouldn't be continuing a co-dependent cycle and i know i shouldn't avoid all my problems. i feel like i should have avoided this whole mess in the first place. i feel like i suck at life. and this whole therapy thing is going to make that loud and clear. i know. i know... it's the point. i have to address these issues to make things better. i believe that this T will actually be ABLE to help me this time, so i do want to keep trying. but it is so scary. i'm already very nervous to go back next week. i've already been feeling more and more depressed and anxious and out of energy the last few months. where is the healing energy going to come from? i don't know how i'm going to be able to do this. what's going to happen to my life??? i feel like it's at the stage where everything has to fall apart to get put back together again. i just really fear crumbling to pieces.