Ah, can't escape that logic, eh? I know. I have been kind of like that also. Sigh* Brreathe, definitely. I also find I hold my breathe and grit my teeth. There is a social worker that I am really angry at. My P-doc roomate was saying it looked like i was going to kill someone when I got back from a meeting about her. I said don't be ridiculous. I haven't tried to kill anyone since I was five.
when he stared at me, I looked right at him and said, since then, I've only succeeded.
He thought it was a good joke.
I'm not sure I was joking. Well, I haven't comitted homicide, no, but I was coldly angry, and that can set off the paranoia. Believe me. So then I start wondering if I said too much, was it the wrong type of joke, is he going to think I'm completely insane (yes, but he knows I know I am, which puts me ahead of 80% of the rest of the staff) until I get so anxious I want to puke... I hate hypomania.