I saw my T today, and told him all about my worsening depression. Certain dark thoughts following me.

I had made a wish on my facebook page for my birthday. I wished for donations made to Mayo Clinic Epilepsy treatment center, and shared my very intimate experiences with epilepsy. I asked my friends and family to donate $10. I am very broke myself, so I can certainly understand times being much too tight for some to donate. However, I also know that a few of my friends are very well off.

No one donated. How freaking sad! My T reasoned that I blamed the people I asked for being cheap. NO! I don't blame them for not donating. Instead, I blame myself for not being good enough to donate for. The people who have been part of my life (at one time or another) have more important things going on in their lives. That is just a fact.

Doesn't that make sense?

My T said that my point is a very narrow view of the world. He sees self-hate and self-blame comments coming out of me. Reminds me to look at things from other ways, even if I don't believe those other ways.

I think that my point is much more logical and statistically accurate than his perspective! What are the chances that out of 35 people, no one can afford to make a $10 contribution?? 20 of those 35 people are freaking family!! 5 of the friends are very well-off. So, how in the heck does his perspective sound more likely than mine??