Thanks guys. I'm freaking out even more now.. I was supposed to hang out with a friend tonight and she just canceled on me and said she's feeling sick and she can't hang out.

I don't even know if it's true because this is the friend who's sort of annoyed about something I did. She said it is fine now that we talked but I think our friendship is ruined forever.

Who would want to hang out with me anyway? I hate myself, I hate my life, I can't stand this anymore.. what can I even do? I feel so desperate, so desperate, so sickeningly desperate. Tears just streaming, freaking out, can't calm down. I'm just here because I don't know what else to do. I am always needy, always taking more than I give, I hate myself I hate myself, I need out, I need something, anything..